Decluttering: The Psychological Need for Getting Organized
The question whether we have a set basic psychological needs whose satisfaction serves as a nutrient for growth and mental health is intriguing.
When I first moved in with my boyfriend, I found it funny that he was still keeping his old stuffed bear. It was cute at first because it seemed like he was such a baby, but it was only when we got into the topic of decluttering in my life coach certification program that I realized that the way he keeps the small stuff as a memorabilia was an unaddressed psychological need.
And it was true! He really was a person who loves to keep things and found it really hard to let go of the unnecessary things at home. In our program, we were taught that there are coaches who live for the purpose of decluttering and as an exercise, we were to try decluttering at our very home.
And I’m telling you, I thought we were just going to pick things here and there and put it in a box for throwing away but it took us weeks! And it was just fascinating, who knew that decluttering was a very psychologically deep topic!
Let’s learn about decluttering— and find out the story about my boyfriend’s stuffed bear. The physical junk we intentionally accumulate in our lives is linked to other problems and can hold us back from getting stuff done. The realization that it’s time to declutter is very easy, but actually getting it done is a whole other feat! According to Jennifer Baumgartner Psy.D., “Clutter is not only a container for our memories but can be a distractor for tackling deeper issues.” clutter can also have an immense psychological effect.
Before you continue you might like to consider our free worksheet on exploring “Shadow Work”. Please download this worksheet here.
What is Clutter?
Clutter is defined as “a large amount of things that are not arranged in a neat or orderly way; a crowded or disordered collection of things”. Given the ease of consumerism these days, we have developed an obsession of having things we don’t really need, most of the time these were only acquired to satisfy the urge of instant gratification— and we all know that this kind of satisfactions is not always sustaining. The downside of this is that we find ourselves cluttering up our environment and our homes. Tied to this is a host of other problems. In the words of Bustle contributor, Carolyn Steber: “Anyone with an overflowing closet or totally stuffed basement can attest to the stress brought on by piles of junk. That’s because not only is it annoying to look at, but it can dredge up so many different emotions” She admits that there is stress felt when she looks at her messy closet, its lack of organization, and her guilt about the fact that she doesn’t use of what she owns, and is confuses her as to the kind of style she is going for.
Becoming a Life Coach— ‘Clutter’ Researches
Did you know that there are life coaches that focuses on decluttering? Yes, you heard it right! But the most important scientific basis of decluttering are the scientific researches that backs its benefits! Here are two of these ‘clutter’ researches: Cluttered Home = Stressful Home A scientific research by Joseph Ferrari (a professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago) associates a cluttered home to a stressful home. According to his study about the causes of clutter and its impact on emotional well-being, “Clutter is an overabundance of possessions that collectively create chaotic and disorderly living spaces”. A sign that you do have cluttered home or work area is: when you always get the urge to declutter— or keep moving things around your area in order for you to accomplish or start a task. The urge to declutter is a sure sign that you are stressed out more than you realize. Dr. Ferrari’s research was done through the following:
- Their research team questioned three groups of adults about clutter and life satisfaction:
- college students;
- young adults in their 20s and 30s; and
- older adults, most in their 50s.
- The participants’ tendency to procrastinate was assessed by asking them statements like: “I pay bills on time”.
They used a five-point scale (ranging from strongly disagree to strongly agree.) Sorting items and getting things organized is a task that some people find unpleasant and tend to avoid, thus creating clutter. A cluttered area is thus closely associated to procrastination.
- The researchers also measured the participants’ general well-being in relation to how clutter might be affecting their lives, asking them to answer questions such as “the clutter in my home upsets me” and “I have to move things in order to accomplish tasks in my home.”
The research’s results can be simply explained by the following:
- There is close association between procrastination and clutter problems in all the age groups.
- Frustration with clutter tended to increase with age.
- Among older adults, clutter problems were also associated with life dissatisfaction.
The above results supports growing research evidence about the negative impacts of clutter to mental well-being (particularly women) and how it can induce stress hormones (as evident in increased levels of cortisol.
“Clutter is in the eye of the beholder”
Another research is 2010 study in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. This study by Darby Saxbe, an assistant psychology professor at University of Southern California, looked at dual-income married couples living in the Los Angeles area who had at least one school-aged child at home.
- The wives in the study who perceived themselves as having a cluttered home or a home that needed work tended to have increased levels of cortisol THROUGHOUT the day.
- Those who weren’t feeling cluttered, which included most of the men in the study, had cortisol levels that tended to drop DURING the day.
- The women in the study who described their home as being cluttered or needing work began their day stressed and remained stressed. Some of the added stress, she suspects, was tied to women’s tendency to take on housework and extra chores after the workday.
- In terms of cortisol levels, men who did more housework in the evening were as likely to have raised cortisol levels at the end of the day as women. It’s just that not as many men spent as much time on housework as their wives, she said.
Then came Saxbe’s follow-up study which looked at the cortisol level in the afternoon and evening (this is supposed to be a time when stress should be dropping in a kind of “an adaptive recovery.”)
- Not everyone in the study was bothered by shoes left on the staircase or mail piled on the coffee table.
- But again, women were more likely than men to complain about clutter or having too many unfinished projects, and did not show a cortisol reduction.
According to Dr. Saxbe, “The people who talked about it were the ones who had the cortisol response.” And as experts are beginning to explore why clutter can elicit such a strong emotional response, Dr. Saxbe associates it with a representation of an ideal home in the 1950’s According to him, there is a standard representation of a middle class home in the 1950’s, and people begin to relate a home as disorderly when it does not live up to the expectations. “The man comes home, kicks up his feet and has a cocktail. The home is a place to come home and unwind. But not if the home is filled with a to-do list and never-ending drudgery.” This need to gaining control over the task of decluttering is one of the things that cluttered residences struggle to master. Dr. Ferrari noted that clutter is also often the result of an “over-attachment” to our personal items, which makes it difficult to part with them. For overwhelmed individuals who want to declutter, he recommends a hands-off approach. “If you’re going to declutter, don’t touch the item. Don’t pick it up,” he said. “Have somebody else hold the pair of black pants and say, ‘Do you need this?’ Once you touch the item, you are less likely to get rid of it.” Another option is to make a conscious effort to acquire less. Dr. Ferrari argued that most of what we accumulate we do not need. “We have taken our wants and been told they are needs,” he said. Dr. Saxbe agreed that a good way to declutter is to keep items out of the house in the first place. She urged shoppers to consider whether they truly need an item or if it will add to their home’s sense of dysfunction. “Once it’s in the house, it’s really hard to deal with. You get attached to the things you own,” she said.
Why Do We Have Clutter?
In my journey of becoming a life coach in decluttering, I learned that the following are just some of the most common reasons why we accumulate clutter:
- Uncontrolled consumer impulses,
- Emotional sentiment,
- Memories of the past,
- Fear of a future need, guilt or obligation,
- Hope for a future change
As beings with emotions, we have a tendency to link our material belongings with emotion, thus we may perceive these items as being a part of us or an extension of ourselves. And this is what makes the process of decluttering very painful for many people. It may not be obvious but the things we have tend to say a lot about us. Jessie Sholl, a writer for the health website ExperienceLife.com, proposes that “different kinds of clutter signify different emotional messages.”
- For example, if your clutter consists of other people’s stuff then you probably have issues with boundaries. You know this happens in the early years between siblings!
- If your clutter is largely memorabilia from the past then you may have trouble letting things go, in forgiving, or you feel like your best days are behind you. You feel like you are stuck in the old version of yourself.
- If you’re holding onto unused items you likely have a fear or distrust for the future or wish you were something you’re not. You accumulate clutter because it is either you are afraid of trying something new, afraid of failing or just afraid to try. You judge!
- All of those brand new art products you’ve used maybe once? The idea of peacefully passing your time as an artist may have sounded better than the act itself. Either you don’t make time to use them or you are just lazy honing your potential/ new interest!
- And finally, unfinished projects. Morris says “a lot of times, that stems from perfectionism — it will never be good enough, not perfect enough, so they just won’t finish it.” Unfinished projects are reminders that we have failed at something we set out to do. It’s a downer and an eyesore.
Psychology behind Decluttering
We now look at the psychology behind the things that are most difficult for us to throw away. In our life coach training, we looked at the following reasons, and here I am going to give you the whys and the what-to-dos.
- The “Free” items we never really need
Let’s be honest, it is really to say no to anything free, and when we do take it, we feel an obligation or a behavioral commitment to use it or hang on to it in case of need.
Why? Our brain’s reward center lights up whenever we see any free item up for a grab and it really is hard to resist so don’t be too hard on yourself when you fall for it!
What to do about it:
- You can try to train yourself and have a personal rule to not take any free items. You then relieve yourself of needing to make case-by-case decisions.
- Remind yourself that if you needed something at the moment you would have bought or looked for it before it was even offered to you. If is something that you really won’t need in a week then don’t hold on or even get it. This also helps you keep in check that if you have the same item that you seldom use then for decluttering sake, don’t fall for the trap.
- Old devices
When the electronic age came, these things became our constant companions, and the most important tools in our lives.
In my dream of becoming a life coach in decluttering, I have learned that when we account for the time spent with our devices and our constant use of it, it is understandable that we link a sense of preciousness to these things. So when you upgrade to a new device, the old device now instantly becomes something that you’d rather get dusty than let go of.
Why? It can feel difficult to actually throw it away for the following reasons:
- You might be worried about your device dying and losing critical information,
- And the thought of voluntarily and consciously wiping all the data (much like hoarded memories) from your device so that you can discard it probably feels emotionally difficult.
What to do:
- Try hanging onto your last device (your previous device), but let go of earlier devices, like those that are way beyond 5 years.
- Try to let go of those devices too that is no longer useable or those you are not willing to get fixed.
- The gifts you don’t like
There is an accompanied guilt when we receive gifts we don’t like because it really is hard to discard unwanted gifts.
Why? This may be due to a self-imposed rule that discarding gifts we don’t like is not a nice thing to do.
What to do:
- I’ll say that you are free to break this rule!
Believe me that it can provide a sense of freedom from obligation. You can even give to someone else who actually needs and likes it more than you do!
- Remember that discarding these gifts doesn’t make you ungrateful or indicate that you don’t value your relationship with the gift giver— it’s just that there maybe someone who needs and is more fit to receive it that you do, than just let it put to waste on such a good state.
- Items that you keep looking or finding for use
There are time that we plan to reuse, recycle, repurpose, or donate certain items, but then we forget due to our other priorities.
Why? These things are the items which we believe we might have had a use for if we have more time in a day to do things.
What to do:
- If you can’t use them in a week or two discard them! If it really is just not possible to allot time to use these items then it is best if you really just throw them away than let them sit unused, and untouched.
- Useful items that you believe you may have more than one need in the future
This was one thing that I can really relate to when it was mentioned in our life coach training.
Sometimes we find useful things hard to dispose. But sometimes accumulate way too much of a useful item, keeping them, thinking I’ll be able to reuse them. Then we end up with far more of these useful things that we don’t get to use.
Why? We worry that we’ll regret throwing items that, it turns out to be useful for a future scenario.
What to do?
- Calculate!
Look at the cost of hanging onto excess like:
The size it takes up for storage space
+
Time spent reorganizing the items
vs.
Replacing items you later need.
Try creating a rule of thumb for how much of a useful item you will store, like keeping five cardboard boxes, but not more than that.
- Regrettable purchases
We’ve all had something we purchased by mistake. Maybe we were tempted and emotionally caught up, when we read the word “sale”. Perhaps you bought an item that your ideal self would have and use, but your current real self would find difficult to use (heels or a dress size that is smaller). Discarding these items is one way for you to confront, address and take action on that regret.
What to do:
- Don’t be too hard on yourself because everyone had made regrettable purchases. But to prevent it from recurring always ask yourself first if you really need it and not just want it.
- Try not to sign up for free trials or purchasing items in their introductory prices which at full price you won’t even think of acquiring.
- Items that may expire before finally use them
Check the expiration date! This may apply to the “special” and “exotic” spices you might find in the grocery. Although some spices might actually expire and you may be tempted to keep them as display, do yourself a favor and dispose it.
The longer you hold onto the expired item, the harder it becomes to actually discard it.
What to do:
Same as the last one.
- Items you hold on as memorabilia.
We sometimes keep stubs as something to remind us of a trip, show, event, etc. But later I think, “I don’t need to keep this to remember my experience of seeing the show.” However, once I’ve already hung onto the item for a year or more, it’s difficult to discard it at that point.
What to do: Remember that it is totally fine to change your mind about keeping it!
- Items with bad memories
Truth is, it can sometimes be difficult to dispose of the things that are associated with a bad memory.
Why? Hanging onto items associated with bad memories can indicate that you need to do a little bit of personal work to process whatever trauma or upset you’ve gone through. Maybe you need to find peace, forgiveness and closure to finally throw them away.
What to do?
- Try throwing out an item associated with a bad memory and see how it feels.
- Acknowledge the emotions and memories associated with the item, and give yourself some psychological space and nurturing to grieve or process your trauma.
I really thought that he was a very sentimental person. But when we were decluttering I learned more about the psychological burdens my boyfriend had. He said he was not keeping the bear because he liked it, he actually did not like it, because it was given to him when he was 10 years by his mom. But he remembered that he despised the bear because he wanted something more in those days. He just ignore the toy for years until his mom became sick and died when he was 13.
Not only did he finally put the bear to somewhere he can always see it, but that he held on to it more than any other memorabilia from his childhood. So I shared to him the things I learned about clutter and why we hold on to them, and it was not instant but he realized that he had to finally let go of the guilt he felt for not liking a gift that his mother gave him. He had to forgive himself since it was the only thing that must have been keeping him from moving on from his mother’s death.
My decluttering venture resulted into three big boxes of old clothes, books, and wares. And you know what I think I’d like to take this path of becoming a life coach in decluttering. Why?
Because aside from those three big boxes of old clothes, books, and wares. I was able to make my boyfriend realize that he now has to finally let his bear go— and he did.
After psychological and safety needs have been fulfilled, the third level of human needs is social feelings or belongingness.
If you’re ready to explore the deeper emotional aspects of your clutter and let go of what no longer serves you, download our Shadow Work Workbook to help you address the emotional attachments and move forward with clarity.
