24 Character Strengths— Humility
Humility is an interesting topic to talk about because it is a subject that may negate all the pep talk and lessons about self-worth and self-realization. This is also one of the 24 Character Strengths in positive psychology.
But this is a common misconception about humility. Some may even associate it with being weak or meek, being self-effacing and submissive. But what is humility really about?
In This Article:
The History of Humility
What Is Humility in Psychology?
Humility as one of the 24 Character Strengths
Why Is Humility Important?
Tips for Raising a Humble Kid
Techniques for Humble Leadership and Workplace
The Importance of Humility in Relationships
Developing Humility
Two Stories About Humility
The History of Humility
Humility is a core value in many ancient ethical and theological frameworks. The Confucian form of humility, for example, is profoundly other-oriented in spirit, consistently valuing the social good over the satisfaction of our individual aspirations. In this ancient Chinese form, humility as one of the 24 Character Strengths can significantly enhance social cohesion and our sense of belonging and be developed and enhanced over time. The Greek philosopher Socrates held that wisdom is, above all, knowing what we don’t know. He taught an intellectual form of humility that freely acknowledges the gaps in our knowledge and that humbly seeks to address our blind spots. Aristotle understood humility as a moral virtue, sandwiched between the vices of arrogance and moral weakness. Like Socrates, he believed that humility must include accurate self-knowledge and a generous acknowledgment of the qualities of others that avoids distortion and extremes. An accurate understanding of our strengths and weaknesses is still a core feature of current definitions of humility. Christian humility is linked to self-abnegation, shame, and sin and may therefore not be to everyone’s taste. However, the ancient theologians can still help us to avoid arrogance and pretentiousness. They remind us that we are members of a species that is far from perfect and urge us to be mindful of the limited role we each have to play in the fate of humanity as a whole. Through the centuries, the importance of humility as a moral character virtue has faded. However, psychological studies of humility have surged in the last two decades (Worthington, Davis, & Hook, 2017) and ultimately as it became one of the 24 Character Strengths.This renewed interest in humility is, in no small part, a counter-reaction to what the authors of The Narcissism Epidemic, Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell (2009), have described as our “age of entitlement.” Today, self-realization and enhancing our self-worth are our highest aspirations. Precisely because it provides an antidote to many worrying tendencies of our age, such as arrogance, greed, and self-centeredness (all of which also have devastating consequences for our democracies and our planet), humility is experiencing a much-needed revival.
What Is Humility in Psychology?
We can understand humility not just as a virtue but also as a psychological trait. At a basic level, humility relates to the degree to which we value and promote our interests above others.
Capturing our other-orientation, it is closely related to modesty and fairness, but also our interest in wealth and other signs of status and our inclination toward self-promotion. Crucially, it also involves seeing ourselves accurately – not thinking of ourselves more highly (or, for that matter, lowly) than is appropriate.
Worthington et al. (2017) understand humility as made up of three parts:
- Accurate self-perception
- Modest self-portrayal
- Other-oriented relational stance
They note that the recent growth in humility-focused studies coincides with the rise of positive psychology and frustration with the limitations of purely individualistic virtues. Alongside compassion, forgiveness, altruism, gratitude, and empathy, humility belongs to “a cluster of virtues that bind society together” (Worthington et al., 2017).
Worthington et al. (2017) further divide humility into general humility and more specific kinds of humility. These include intellectual humility, relating to openness about our views, beliefs, and opinions; and cultural humility, an ability to acknowledge and learn from the achievements of other cultures (Hazlett, 2012; Davis et al., 2015).
Other sub-types of humility are political and spiritual humility.
While other-orientedness is a core interpersonal feature of humility, Tangney (2009) has identified six intrapersonal aspects of humility:
- A willingness to see ourselves truthfully
- An accurate perception of our place in the world
- An ability to acknowledge our mistakes and limitations
- Openness
- Low self-focus
- An appreciation of the value of all things
Hill and Laney (2016), finally, understand humility as involving a quiet ego (see also Kesebir, 2014).
Humility as one of the 24 Character Strengths
We can also understand humility as a character strength. As such, it is an essential component of moral character that is manifested in modesty, being empathetic, acknowledging and respecting others at a deeper level, and accurately understanding as well as owning our limitations (Harvey & Pauwels, 2004). As a character strength, humility can be viewed as the opposite of pride, arrogance, and an inflated sense of our importance and talents. It is based on a fundamentally caring and compassionate attitude toward others. Finally, we may also think of humility as a specific mindset. After all, it is a crucial aspect of what Carol Dweck (2006) has described as the “growth mindset.” In Dweck’s framework, as one of the 24 Character Strengths, humility entails not just admitting our shortcomings, but actively seeking to overcome them. It is about a general readiness to learn best practices from others and learn from our failures (see also Syed, 2015). Humility is, therefore, intricately related to learning and teachability – a way of being that embraces constant self-correction and self-improvement.
Why Is Humility Important?
The more humble among us possess a large number of advantages (Robson, 2020). A humble mindset has significant positive effects on our cognitive, interpersonal, and decision-making skills. Humility is directly related to our ability and willingness to learn. Humble people are better learners and problem solvers. Humble students who are genuinely open to feedback often overtake their naturally more talented peers who think so highly of their own abilities that they reject all advice. Some studies have found that humility is more important as a predictive performance indicator than IQ (Owens, Johnson, & Mitchell, 2013; Krumrei-Manusco, Haggard, LaBouff, & Rowatt, 2019). Humility in our leaders, moreover, fosters trust, engagement, creative strategic thinking, and generally boosts performance (Rego et al., 2017; Ou, Waldman, & Peterson, 2020; Cojuharenco & Karelaia, 2020). Humility is also related to a general increase in positive emotions. Moreover, humility fosters self-forgiveness (Onody et al., 2020). Besides, there are indications that humility strengthens various social functions and bonds. As a consequence of experiencing less stress and fewer negative experiences with others, humility might be related not just to better mental health, but also better physical health (Worthington et al., 2017, p. 7). Last but not least, a lack of cultural humility is associated with xenophobia, the fear and hatred of foreigners. Humility, by contrast, is associated with xenophilia, an attraction to foreign cultures. Those of us who lack cultural humility are more prone to make assumptions about others, feel superior to them, and dramatically overvalue our knowledge and talents in comparison to others (Hook, Davis, Owen, Worthington, & Utsey, 2013; Barbarino & Stürmer, 2016).
Tips for Raising a Humble Kid
Children learn by copying.
The most effective way to teach children humility is by modeling it ourselves. We can show them what humility looks like in action daily.
While seeking to foster healthy self-esteem, we should not over-inflate children’s sense of importance. And nor should we twist their view of their own talents. This is a very tricky balance to strike.
We can approximate this ideal by trying to praise effort over results and by fostering a growth mindset (Dweck, 2006). This includes honing children’s ability to learn from failure and teaching them to see failure as a natural part of any meaningful learning process.
We can show children other ways of seeing the world and thinking about things. Our best tools are books, films, and works of art. By exposing them to radically different world views and talking about the discrepancies they notice with an open mind, we can alert them to the fact that their way of viewing the world is not the only one. And nor is ours.
We, too, can learn much from children in turn and should tell them so when we do.
Finally, gratitude exercises work with children, too. We can, for starters, simply ask them to name one thing for which they have been particularly grateful today.
Techniques for Humble Leadership and Workplace
Jim Collins, in Good to Great (2001), has demonstrated that the most outstanding leaders are also the most humble. The best leaders combine professional will with personal humility. They are often “self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy” – always privileging the institutions they serve over their egos (Collins, 2001, p. 12).
These leaders believe in human development. They do not crave credit, nor do they constantly need to show how great they are or undermine others to feel powerful. They are instead relentlessly trying to improve and learn from their failures. By modeling humility, they create a humble working culture in their organizations.
Bradley Owens says that humble leaders are essentially self-transcendent. Humble leaders “have successfully tempered or tamed the ego and embraced a leadership perspective that seeks to elevate everyone” (Aten, 2019). They are teachable, eager to learn, willing to see themselves accurately, and able to praise those around them. They foster in their workforce hope, efficacy, resilience, and optimism (Owens, Yam, Bednar, Mao, & Hart, 2019).
Humble leaders, moreover “are more likely to see failure as just a part of the developmental process. Since humble leaders don’t try to keep up appearances or power postures, it is less distressing and thus easier to recover when things don’t go well” (Aten, 2019).
Developing Humility
For many of us, humility is one of the hardest traits to develop, because it has to start from a recognition that you are not always right, and that you do not have all the answers.
It also requires an acceptance of yourself which many of us find challenging.
It is relatively easy to be humble when you are at the bottom of the tree, as it were: new in a job, or very junior. The more senior you get, however, the more likely you are to have people looking to you for answers, and the more you find yourself believing that you can help.
If you are not careful, you can reach senior positions—just the moment at which you most need humility—believing that you are more or less infallible.
To try to cultivate humility, you may want to try one or more of these activities:
Spend time listening to others
A key quality of humbleness is to value others and enable them to be heard. Spending time listening to others, and drawing out their feelings and values, enabling them to express themselves, is a very powerful way to start to understand this.
It is important to remember that you are not trying to solve their problems, or answer them: just listen and respond to them as a fellow-human.
Practice mindfulness, and focus on the present
A key part of mindfulness is accepting what is, rather than judging and commenting on it. An important element of humility is accepting yourself with all your faults, rather than judging yourself for your shortcomings. That doesn’t mean you should not strive to improve, but positively, rather than berating yourself for your negative qualities.
Be grateful for what you have
In other words, take the time to ‘count your blessings’, and be thankful for them. It is easy to get sucked into a negative spiral of wanting more, whether in yourself, or externally. Taking time to stop, and remember what you have to be grateful for, is a good way to cultivate a more humble, and positive, frame of mind.
Ask for help when you need it
There is, as many of us will ruefully recognise, a form of pride that lies in being able to solve our own problems. Humility, therefore, lies in recognising when we need help, and being able to ask for it appropriately
Seek feedback from others on a regular basis
This is, perhaps, particularly important for leaders, but we can all gain from hearing what others think of us. Take time to ask others to provide feedback, anonymously if necessary, and make it clear that you welcome their opinions. Listen to the feedback openly and then be grateful.
Review your actions against the language of pride
Pride and arrogance, which also cover smugness, snobbery, and vanity, are unpleasant words. It can sometimes be hard to avoid feeling a bit proud of ourselves, or vain, or even snobbish. It is often quite pleasant to feel like that, for example, if we have done something good, and everyone is praising us. However, we tend not to call these feelings by name, because the words themselves carry negative connotations.
To cultivate humility, review your feelings against the words: ask yourself ‘was that snobbish?’, ‘was I being a bit vain then?’, and be honest about the answers. Recognising and naming these feelings for what they are is a good step towards humility
